Forgiveness is always and interesting topic to discuss. It’s a topic that is hard to master as we each have to personally deal with it from both a spiritual and carnal perspective.

In Scripture we are told repeatedly to forgive one another (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 4:32) and even warned there are ramifications if we fail to forgive (Hebrews 12:14-15; 2 John 1:8). On the other hand we have our carnal nature that generally will react to an offense in a variety of emotional ways.

How we fare in this realm will reflect on which aspect we are favoring at any given time. As we will hopefully see in this study, forgiveness is more than just saying “I forgive you” but also letting go of the emotional “hurts” that accompany being offended.

When it comes to forgiveness we are taught to ask God to:

Mat 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

The implication of that one verse alone is huge. God will forgive us as we forgive others! The questions now are: “What is forgiveness?”, “What can happen when we don’t forgive?”, “How are to act towards those who’ve offended us?”. Those three questions are but among many dealing with this particular topic.

First let’s try to define the term “to forgive”.

Thayer’s defines it as such:

G863 (Thayer’s) a?f?´?µ? aphie¯mi Thayer Definition:
1) to send away
1a) to bid going away or depart
1a1) of a husband divorcing his wife
1b) to send forth, yield up, to expire
1c) to let go, let alone, let be
1c1) to disregard
1c2) to leave, not to discuss now, (a topic)
1c2a) of teachers, writers and speakers
1c3) to omit, neglect
1d) to let go, give up a debt, forgive, to remit
1e) to give up, keep no longer
2) to permit, allow, not to hinder, to give up a thing to a person
3) to leave, go way from one
3a) in order to go to another place
3b) to depart from any one
3c) to depart from one and leave him to himself so that all mutual claims are abandoned
3d) to desert wrongfully
3e) to go away leaving something behind
3f) to leave one by not taking him as a companion
3g) to leave on dying, leave behind one
3h) to leave so that what is left may remain, leave remaining
3i) abandon, leave destitute
Part of Speech: verb
A Related Word by Thayer’s/Strong’s Number: from G575 and hiemi (to send, an intens. form of eimi, to go)
Citing in TDNT: 1:509, 88

Webster’s defines it as such:

Forgive (Webster’s) FORGIVE, v.t. forgiv'. pret. forgave; pp. forgiven. [L. remitto. See Give.] 1. To pardon; to remit, as an offense or debt; to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty. The original and proper phrase is to forgive the offense, to send it away, to reject it, that is, not to impute it, [put it to] the offender. But by an easy transition, we also use the phrase, to forgive the person offending. Forgive us our debts. If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. Mat 6. As savages never forget a favor, so they never forgive an injury. It is to be noted that pardon, like forgive, may be followed by the name or person, and by the offense; but remit can be followed by the offense only. We forgive or pardon the man, but we do not remit him. 2. To remit as a debt, fine or penalty.

In either case the word seems clear…to let go, to pardon, abandon…overlook the offense. There are two aspects to forgiveness in Scripture…forgiveness in the relationship between God and man….and forgiveness between men. Forgiveness as it relates to the relationship between God and man requires a first step by the offender (man) in coming to God and asking for forgiveness (hence the first step of salvation). However, forgiveness as it relates to the relationship between men is a bit different in some aspects.

As we see in the model of the Lord’s prayer (Matt 6) Christ ends with:

Mat 6:12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

And then further exhorts:

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

If we forgive others, we too will be forgiven…if we fail to...we need not go any further than verse 15 to see the result.

You will note that Christ used different terms in Matt 6:12 and Matt 6:14-15. On the surface the intent is still the same though the differences can be somewhat significant. In Matt 6:12 the implication is our sins and misgivings between us and God although still maintaining its application to fellow man…in Matt 6:14-15 the implication is our stumblings and shortcomings between us and each other.

Further, Christ’s use of the term “trespasses” instead of “debts” has some interesting thoughts behind it:

Trespasses - ?a?apt?µata, from pa?a and p?pt?, to fall off. What a remarkable difference there is between this word and ?fe???µata, debts, in Mat_6:12! Men’s sins against us are only their stumblings, or fallings off from the duties they owe us; but our’s are debts to God’s justice, which we can never discharge. It can be no great difficulty to forgive those, especially when we consider that in many respects we have failed as much, in certain duties which we owed to others, as they have done in those which they owed us. “But I have given him no provocation.” Perhaps thou art angry, and art not a proper judge in the matter; but, however it may be, it is thy interest to forgive, if thou expectest forgiveness from God. On this important subject I will subjoin an extract from Mason’s Self-knowledge, page 248, (Clarke Commentary)

Mat 6:14-15 - For if ye forgive men their trespasses - If ye forgive others when they offend or injure you. Your heavenly Father will also forgive you - This is constantly required in the Bible. See the notes at Mat_6:12. Our Saviour says we should forgive even if the offence be committed seventy times seven times, Mat_18:22. By this is meant, that when a man asks forgiveness, we are cordially and forever to pardon the offence; we are to declare our willingness to forgive him. If he does not ask forgiveness, yet we are still to treat him kindly; not to harbor malice, not to speak ill of him, to be ready to do him good, and be always prepared to declare him forgiven when he asks it, and if we are not ready and willing to forgive him; we are assured that God will not forgive us. (Barnes’ Commentary)

The bottom line to all of this is we are to forgive one another if we expect the same forgiveness from God. Christ later alliterates this point (and the differences) in the following parable:

Mat 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Mat 18:23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
Mat 18:24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
Mat 18:25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
Mat 18:26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshiped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
Mat 18:28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him a hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
Mat 18:29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
Mat 18:30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
Mat 18:31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
Mat 18:32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
Mat 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?
Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

In the parable it can be seen that the “certain king” is representative of God forgiving a man of much debt. Further that man failed to forgive one of his own of their “debt”. When the king learned of this and the man’s inability to forgive the outcome changed for that man.

By the grace of God all of our debts were forgiven…our debts…our sins…are egregious in the face of a Holy God…how are we then not to turn and forgive our fellow man when they wrong us in a manner that is small in comparison.

Who are we to forgive? Only fellow Christians? Everyone who offends? In light of all Scripture I would have to say it applies to everyone who offends. Matthew 6:12 says “if you forgive MEN”, not Christians. Some may make the argument that in some areas it only applies to fellow Christians. This may or may not be correct and it depends upon how narrowly you define the word “brother” as found in Matthew 18:3 and Luke 17:3.

Luk 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Luk 17:4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.

Both Matthew 18:3 and Luke 17:3 specifically say “brother” instead of “man” or “men”. But before one narrows it down specifically to a fellow Christian…a couple things must be considered. First the definitions:

Brother (Smith’s Bible Dictionary)
Brother. The Hebrew word is used in various senses in the Old Testament, as,
1. Any kinsman, and not a mere brother; that is, nephew, Gen_13:8; Gen_14:16, husband, Son_4:9.
2. One of the same tribe. 2Sa_19:13.
3. Of the same people, Exo_2:11, or even, of a cognate people. Num_20:14.
4. An ally. Amo_1:9.
5. Any friend, Job_5:15.
6. One of the same office. 1Ki_9:13.
7. A fellow man. Lev_19:17.
Metaphorically, of any similarity, as in Job_30:19. The Greek word, adelphos, has a similar range of meanings, in the New Testament.

Brother (Easton’s Bible Dictionary)
(1.) In the natural and common sense (Mat_1:2; Luk_3:1, Luk_3:19).
(2.) A near relation, a cousin (Gen_13:8; Gen_14:16; Mat_12:46; Joh_7:3; Act_1:14; Gal_1:19).
(3.) Simply a fellow-countryman (Mat_5:47; Act_3:22; Heb_7:5).
(4.) A disciple or follower (Mat_25:40; Heb_2:11, Heb_2:12).
(5.) One of the same faith (Amo_1:9; Act_9:30; Act_11:29; 1Co_5:11); whence the early disciples of our Lord were known to each other as brethren.
(6.) A colleague in office (Ezr_3:2; 1Co_1:1; 2Co_1:1).
(7.) A fellow-man (Gen_9:5; Gen_19:7; Mat_5:22, Mat_5:23, Mat_5:24; Mat_7:5; Heb_2:17).
(8.) One beloved or closely united with another in affection (2Sa_1:26; Act_6:3; 1Th_5:1).
Brethren of Jesus (Mat_1:25; Mat_12:46, Mat_12:50; Mar_3:31, Mar_3:32; Gal_1:19; 1Co_9:5, etc.) were probably the younger children of Joseph and Mary. Some have supposed that they may have been the children of Joseph by a former marriage, and others that they were the children of Mary, the Virgin's sister, and wife of Cleophas. The first interpretation, however, is the most natural.

In both of those references “brother” has a pretty broad scope of meaning and what it refers too. Further, if you look at the context and the Old Testament mindset of the person asking the question in the first place the word seems to take on the much broader meaning. In the Old Testament they are taught to forgive three times and that’s it (hence why Peter asked double the amount…7 times). So, does it apply to a fellow Christian? Yes…but just as it applies to fellow man. Bottom line to me is we are to forgive all offenses.

This now leads to the next part…what does forgiveness entail? When you refer to the definitions, words such as pardon, keep no longer, let go are used. When we as carnal beings are “trespassed” against there is generally emotional collateral damage. Biblically however I believe that forgiveness is as much for the offendee as it is the offender.

To truly forgive we must “give up” or “let go” of the offense AND the “hurts” that go along with it. As carnal beings, that is easier said than done, but I believe there is a reason for it beyond the exhortations of Christ. One emotion that usually accompanies the “hurts” of being offended against is anger. By forgiving the offense and “giving it up” we are also giving up the anger with it. That anger ties us to the event, it keeps us tied to the past. That anger has Biblical ramifications as well:

Eph 4:26 BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
Eph 4:27 and do not give the devil an opportunity.
Eph 4:28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.
Eph 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Eph 4:30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
Eph 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Heb 12:14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
Heb 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

By holding on to that anger we are “letting the sun go down on your anger” thereby giving the devil a foothold…this over time turns to bitterness. Once bitterness has set in, true forgiveness will be harder to offer as the “hurt” has become a “sore wound” that even the lightest offense can cause much pain.

Bitterness (Webster’s Dictionary)
BIT'TERNESS, n. [from bitter.] A bitter taste; or rather a quality in things which excites a biting disagreeable sensation in the tongue.

1. In a figurative sense, extreme enmity, grudge, hatred; or rather an excessive degree or implacableness of passions and emotions; as the bitterness of anger. Eph 4.

2. Sharpness; severity of temper.

3. Keenness of reproach; piquancy; biting sarcasm.

4. Keen sorrow; painful affliction; vexation; deep distress of mind.

Hannah was in bitterness of soul. 1 Sam 1. Job 7.

In the gall of bitterness, in a state of extreme impiety or enmity to God. Acts 8.

Root of bitterness, a dangerous error, or schism, tending to draw persons to apostasy. Heb 12.

So by truly forgiving we avoid the hazard of bitterness as well. Matthew Henry had some interesting words on this particular topic:

We must forgive, as we hope to be forgiven; and therefore must not only bear no malice, nor mediate revenge, but must not upbraid our brother with the injuries he has done us, nor rejoice in any hurt that befalls him, but must be ready to help him and do him good, and if he repent and desire to be friends again, we must be free and familiar with him, as before. (Matthew Henry Commentary)

Further the following question was posed:

Does the Bible teach that we must “Forgive and Forget”?

Answer: The phrase "forgive and forget" is not found in the Bible. However, there are numerous scriptures commanding us to "forgive" one another (Matthew 6:14; Ephesians 4:32). A Christian who does not forgive can reap bitterness and the loss of eternal rewards (Hebrews 12:14-15; 2 John 1:8). Forgiveness is a decision of the will. Since God commands us to forgive, we must make a conscious choice to forgive. This frees the forgiving one from the past. The "offender" may not desire forgiveness and may not change (Matthew 5:44). Ideally the offender will seek reconciliation, but if not, the one wronged should still make known their decision to forgive.

In some senses, it is impossible to truly forget sins that have been committed against us. We cannot selectively "delete" events from our memory. The Bible states that God does not "remember" our wickedness (Hebrews 8:12). God is all-knowing. God knows that occurred. However, having forgiven us, He treats us as if the sin had not occurred. God does not hold our sins against us. In that sense we must "forgive and forget." If we forgive someone, we must act as if that sin had never occurred. We remember the sin, but we live as if we did not remember it. Ephesians 4:32 tells us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

CONCLUSION

So what does this all mean? When someone “wrongs” us we are to forgive them, understanding that if we expect forgiveness for our offenses we need to display the same grace towards others. As part of that forgiveness we are to express that forgiveness towards them…at that point the proverbial “ball is in their court”. Ideally they should express remorse, repent of their wrongdoing and accept your forgiveness. At that point you, like the father of the prodigal son, should welcome them back as if it never occurred.

Of course, that is the “ideal” situation and will not always occur. On occasion their pride will interfere and they will not see their offense (I’m guilty of this one) and fail to even see the need for their forgiveness. How are we to treat them? This is a question not so easy to answer. Biblically it would seem that we are to act as if that sin never occurred, but we are also told to be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves. Ideally, as previously mentioned, you should go on as if the offense never occurred…is that always possible? Maybe, maybe not, in reality each person will deal with it differently. The carnal side of me would be leery at being offended again and keep them at a distance, but that’s the carnal side of me.

One thing to be aware of though, if you do not let go of the “hurts” that accompanied that offense when you forgive, you are in danger of letting the devil, through bitterness, gain a foothold in your life which can only interfere with your spiritual walk.

My wife shared a brilliant analogy with me that is applicable to this exact topic.

When the Spanish Conquistadors came to Mexico the natives had never seen men ride on horseback before. When they engaged in battle they shot the horses thinking it would stop them. Of course, it didn’t. The horses would fall and the Conquistadors would get up and continue the fight.

This imagery is much like the battles we fight on a daily basis. We must remember ours is not a fight with what we see…but rather against the forces that we can’t see:

Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

The devil is that Conquistador riding on the back of a fellow man. When we attack that man for his offenses, not truly forgiving them, not letting go of the offense and all emotions associated with it…in effect, “shooting the horse”…we are only shooting the method by which satan is attacking at that particular time. We are favoring the carnal response instead of the spiritual response and failing to recognize the event for what it is.

We are all fallen creatures in a fallen world. We will all come short of the mark from time to time. We all need to be willing to accept forgiveness and provide it as needed…and then continue on as if it had not occurred.